Nonsense

commitment phobes must get clear about one thing:

you either are or aren’t already committed to life.

you’re already married to the bitch so anything else is adultery or polygamy.

i didn’t think this could be a conversation either but it was. i’m at dinner with a friend and as she spends a good twenty minutes bashing her unofficial ten year fiancé i interrupt with a bathroom run.

i’m in the can and wonder what words of affirmation or encouragement i can offer but am fighting with feelings of anger because i hate listening to this kind of shit. how many times do i have to tell people to stop talking shit about their partners behind their back? unless they’re abusive work that shit out or just fuckin’ leave. i’ve been here with her before. now i don’t think i want to be friends.

i walked back out, ordered a drink and she continued where she left off as i began daydreaming. she asked a question and i returned. do i want to get married again too someday? easy. i’m not against marriage but don’t see it in my future.

then she begins the married to life bit. i laugh. she’s dead ass.

thing is, i’ve already decided to euthanize myself if i get really sick and need care until end of life. my fuckin choice. so am i really married to life? probably not. i’m in long-term affair territory.

i don’t say that nor do i contemplate how my life isn’t mine to take. i just listen at her conversion to sympathy for me and think how i’m never going to see her again after this night. i don’t think i’m friendship material.