Nonsense

“i could tell you were struggling.”

when it was all over that’s what the dentist said. it had been quite the three hour tour (insert gilligan’s island).

it started with the hygienist who asked what i’d done over the weekend. when i told her much of nothing she proceeded to share with me the list of activities she’d engaged in from friday to sunday.

it isn’t often i compare my life to others but after listening to her i’d decided that sometime in the last five years i must’ve become a complete hermit and it led me to wonder if i was squandering the blessings i’d been given.

she spoke of many social gatherings as i wondered if i was supposed to be doing more in the community. why did i stop?

next came the dental assistant. she’s one of those people who can talk to anyone about anything and doesn’t care if you have anything to add cause her stories are enough to fill every second of the hour. she was sweet as pie and shared with me photos of her dog, kids and boyfriend. she’s in her 60s and said she’s never getting married again. she goes to the bar at least three times a week to drink and dance and doesn’t care a lick if she ends up dancing alone.

finally the dentist. she’s married, has two kids in college, has sold two dental practices before the current one, is a writer of poetry, international traveler, triathlete and researcher. she’s five years younger than me and in my head flashed the words, “how in the holy fuck?” right before realizing that duh, we all have different experiences, a million narratives and yet in the end all yearn and seek the same things.

it had been about 15 or so years since i’d been to the dentist and the only reason i decided to go was because i’m still trying to set an example. obviously not perfect but if i don’t give up then maybe that’s all that matters.

i had a choice between a crown and a filling and chose the crown which was exciting cause it meant i’d finally earned my princess wings. when i heard her ask the assistant for zirconium i thought for a second i was being given superman powers. corny but it worked to get past the initial fear of dying by dentistry tools. the hardest part was the thing they put in my mouth to keep it open because i thought my jaw was going to break.

it wasn’t until she was done that she told me she could tell i was struggling and it was interesting how she kept it to herself and silently allowed a self-soothing into the process.

i think keeping ones mouth open is one of those things that always takes a bit to get used to before becoming ‘normal’.